Getting to Sirius
by ChelzToddBrooke
Summary: Sirius couldn't deal with things alone. Actually, Sirius couldn't deal with things, period. Not things that involved real, adult emotions and decisions. Not things like best friends tragically dying. Not things like having your one year old godchild suddenly under your care. Those kind of things shut Sirius down. He needed to get to Sirius.


A/N:Ok, so this is my first foray into this fandom, but I am so in love with this pairing. So in love. And so angry with the canon aspect of it all! So I had to toss my hat in the ring of wonderful wolfstar fics! Let me know what you think!

* * *

Remus had barely adjusted to the time change in New York when he got the call. The matter of fact manner in which Sirius informed him that their two best friends had been killed in a car accident made Remus's blood run cold. He quickly put a plan into action. He reached out to one of Sirius and James's military buddies that just happened to be stateside and managed to get passage on an overnight cargo plane back to the RAF base near Leeds. Sirius's friend had even arranged for a car to be waiting at the base to get Remus the rest of the way home.

Remus's eyes burned and he drove the unknown car off the base. Saying the flight was uncomfortable was the understatement of the century. He'd not been able to sleep and was far past exhausted. But he needed to get home. Panic was pushing him mile after mile, through the darkness. Sirius was alone. Sirius couldn't deal with things alone. Actually, Sirius couldn't deal with things, period. Not things that involved real, adult emotions and decisions. Not things like best friends tragically dying. Not things like having your one year old godchild suddenly under your care. Those kind of things shut Sirius down. He needed to get to Sirius.

The house was dark when he finally arrived, a long twenty hours since he got the call in New York. He quietly let himself in, listening for movement. When he heard none, he carefully discarded his bag by the door and toed off his shoes. He shed his jacket and draped it over the back of the couch on his way towards the bedroom. His heart ached at the sight in front of him. Sirius was curled up on his side, wrapped protectively around his godson. The room was in disarray. It appeared every article of clothing Sirius and Harry owned were strewn about the floor, which would explain why both to occupants in the bed were half naked. Sirius probably gave up trying to keep either of them clothed. He smiled a little at the thought despite himself. As he added his own clothes to the fray, he noticed the playpen now taking up residence in the corner.

He approached the bed and carefully attempted to extract the child from Sirius's hold. Sirius let out something akin to a growl and tightened his grasp on Harry.

"Hush, it's me," Remus breathed. Sirius released Harry as the familiar voice sluggishly pulled him to consciousness. Remus easily scooped up the sleeping child and settled him in the playpen.

"Mooney?" Sirius croaked, pushing into a sitting position.

"Hey…" Remus sat down on the edge of the bed, taking in the sight of him. His thick hair was wilder than usual; his eyes were red-rimmed and smudged with dark circles. He looked like hell.

"It's bad, Mooney," Sirius rasped, raking both hands through his tangled hair. Remus swallowed thickly. Sirius's cool detachment deeply concerned him. The only thing worse would be the impulsive anger the man was so prone to when his loved ones were threatened. He reached out to cup Sirius's scruffy cheek.

"I know, love. I know," he murmured, tearing filling his own eyes. He's barely had a second to register the loss. He was so concerned about Sirius being alone. Sirius scooted closer, folding into him. Remus shifted so they were lying down and tucking Sirius tighter against him. "but I'm here, you're not alone," He willed himself not to break down. He would need to eventually, but if he could keep himself calm he and Sirius might actually be able to get some of the rest they needed to handle their current situation., "Go back to sleep, We can talk about everything in the morning," he encouraged.

"Love you, Moon," Sirius mumbled.

"Love you too," Remus replied, kissing Sirius's hair.

Sirius woke slowly, so tightly intertwined with Remus that he wasn't sure where the other man ended and he began. His body flooded with warmth, knowing the extent Remus went to, to be home with him. The thought of why Remus had rushed home brought the heaviness of the previous day pressing in on him again. With a weighty sigh, he pulled himself out of Remus's hold and padded out of the room.

He'd barely had time to gather the ingredients for a cup of tea before Remus appeared behind him, pulling him back into his arms. Sirius stiffened a little. He was half tempted to push Remus away. He just didn't want to give in. If he let his carefully crafted detachment start to crumble, he would be overwhelmed by his grief. He couldn't deal with his grief and shoulder all of his new responsibilities at the same time. But he knew Remus was also grieving and had come a long way to be home. He didn't deserve to be pushed away. And it simply felt too good to be wrapped in his arms, so he relaxed back against him.

"Kid still asleep?" he asked. Remus grunted something similar to yes from where he had buried his face in Sirius's dark curls. "Good, he was more than cranky the entire time he was awake yesterday," he mused.

"Are you ok?" Remus asked, pressing a kiss to the crook of Sirius's neck.

"Not even remotely," Sirius replied honestly. Remus breathed a humorless laugh.

"Perhaps that was the wrong question," he realized. "Tell me what happened?" he requested, releasing Sirius's waist and grabbing the two mugs on the counter. He moved to fill them from the softly whistling kettle on the stove. He hadn't really talked to Sirius since the initial call and at that point the man was borderline frantic and had very little information. Sirius hopped up on the counter.

"It was weird… I got the call from their lawyer," he started as Remus pressed a full mug into his hands. " I mean I don't know how I ever imagined something like this going down, but I guess you expect a visit from the police or a call from the hospital like you see on TV," he shrugged. "The guy told me about the accident and gave me instructions to meet him at the hospital."

"They didn't want you to…?" Remus couldn't bring himself to ask the full question. If Sirius had to identify James and Lily's bodies, he was going to be in worse shape that Remus originally thought.

"No, no," Sirius shook his dark head. "Identification had already been made. They were having Harry checked out. And that gave time for the social worker to arrive to make sure everything was in order for me to take the kid. I called you after the lawyer called. Then everything happened so fast. It wasn't until I got Harry home that it really sunk in," he finished with a sigh, staring down into his tea.

"Sirius…" Remus started, setting a reassuring hand on the man's knee. Sirius covered his hand, giving it a light squeeze.

"I just…I don't know how I'm going to do it all. I'm the executor of their estate. I have to plan the funerals, take care of the house, and Harry…Moon, I'm a single parent now," he stated, finally looking up at Remus, his eyes wide. Remus couldn't help but snort a laugh.

"Sirius, we're married. You are not a single parent," he reminded.

"But I am his godfather, he'll be placed under my care," Sirius looked like the stormy teenager he'd fallen in love with, trying to hold his whole world together on his own. Remus knew it was a combination of exhaustion and grief that has Sirius trying to collapse in on himself. Sirius normally wasn't this standoffish, at least with him.

"And I am your husband. Unless you have a reason you don't want my help, Harry will be under my care as well. James wanted it that way," he said gently.

"James?" Just mentioning his name clouded Sirius's expression. Remus thought he might actually allow himself to feel for a moment.

"Love," Remus crooned, stepping forward to stand between his husband's legs and bringing his hand up to cup his face."We were married when James asked you to be Harry's godfather. He talked with me about it. He wanted to make sure you would be supported if the worst happened. And I do support you. You are not alone in this."

"so you're…we're…" Sirius faltered for a moment, his composure slipping. He set his jaw to fight off the tears filling his eyes. He stared into Remus's face. His eyes were watery as well and full of concern. Eventually Sirius ducked his head, still hanging onto his resolve. He'd had about all the conversation he could handle in one sitting. Remus grasped his chin and captured his lips in kiss. He pulled back just enough to press their foreheads together.

"Sirius, you have to…" Remus started. Sirius leaned back, releasing a long breath and schooling his features.

"Rem, I know, and I will. But not right now. Let me get my head around all of the practical stuff…then I grieve them. I have other priorities at the moment," As if on cue, Harry let out a cry in the other room. "Speaking of priorities," Sirius said with a grim smile. He gently moved Remus out of the way and hopped off the counter. "I'm coming, kid," he called as he moved down the hallway.

After a moment, Remus followed. He found his husband cradling Harry against his chest. He was talking softly to comfort the child.

"It's ok, little man. Your parents trusted me to take care of you. Although I can't figure out why they thought that was a good idea, but I am going to make sure you have everything you need. And anything I can't do, we've got Mooney for," he said.

"You're better with him than you think. You'll make him brave and strong and teach him how to live life to the fullest," Remus mentioned from the door.

"And you'll make sure he actually stays alive," Sirius grinned. It was the type of smile that made Remus weak in knees. Warmth flooded him at the flash of the Sirius he knew and loved. The fact that Sirius allowed himself a genuine emotion, even if it wasn't the one overwhelming him, gave Remus hope. He crossed the room in second, threading a hand through Sirius's hair and pulling him in for a searing kiss. He then pressed a kiss to Harry's downy hair.

"Should we start by getting him breakfast?" he suggested, moving past the intense conversation he was trying to have in the kitchen. He understood what Sirius was saying. They had a lot to get through before they could settle into their grief. Remus would do what he could to support Sirius and hold it together until that time came.

* * *

And the time did come. Remus had left the funeral without Sirius, wanting to get Harry home for a nap. Sirius stayed behind to attend to guests and last minute arrangements. When he finally returned home, he looked drawn and pale. He barely stopped to greet Remus as he went to the bedroom to change. When he didn't return, Remus decided to check on him.

He found Sirius sitting on the edge of the bed. He was halfway through changing, head in his hands, sobbing. Remus felt the lump forming in his throat. It wouldn't be long before he was crying too. Crying for his husband who had held it together for the better part of a week. Crying for his husband's loss, his own loss, and the world's loss of two wonderful people. Crying for the little boy in the next room who lost his parents before he ever met them. They had a lot to cry about, especially for two men who generally prided themselves on being the epitome of masculinity and resolutely not crying. He was at Sirius's side in a second, wrapping his arms around the half dressed man.

"Mooney," Sirius hiccupped, pressing his face into his husband's neck. "What are we supposed to do without Lily and James?"

"We give their son a family, love. And raise him to be as great as they were," Remus answered, his voice thick with tears. Sirius pulled back to meet his eyes. He looked so meek and unsure, so Un-Sirius.

"You think we can do that?" he asked as he sloppily wiped at his face.

"Sirius, I know we can. And more importantly, they knew we could, or they would have never entrusted him to us," Remus reminded one more time. He would continue to remind Sirius until the man realized he was every bit the godfather James and Lily expected him to be and would be a great parent to Harry. Sirius nodded, still a bit unsure. After a moment, he pulled Remus back in locking his arms tightly around him. Remus adjusted so they could comfortably cling to each other as they let the last week wash over them.

"I'm not ok, Mooney," Sirius said finally after the tears ran out.

"I know, neither am I. We might not be for a while, but at least we're all not ok together," Remus replied thoughtfully, running his fingers through Sirius's hair.

"Don't ever leave me, Moon," the man breathed.

"Never," Remus promised, pressing a kiss to his husband's forehead.


End file.
